Kenshin Outtakes
by The Narrator
Summary: Problems with super glue? Kenshin acting childish? Kaoru channeling Tira Misu? Saitou and Sano AGREEING! What's going on! Oh, just The Narrator poking fun at the making of Ruroni Kenshin...
1. Kenshin Outtakes

Narrator here.  I know, I know, it's been done before, but I'm kinda stuck on my first _official_ Kenshin fic and, well, this has been kicking around in my head, getting in the way.  It's a bunch of things I either wish had happened and/or my warped mind came up with spontaneously.  You have been warned.

Disclaimer: I don't own Rurouni Kenshin.  Period.

_Rurouni Kenshin Outtakes_

Scene where Kenshin is giving Kaoru the hilt of his sakabatou to prove he's not a murderer.

Kaoru: (takes hold of the hilt and pulls; it doesn't come out)

Kenshin: (whisper) Try pulling a little harder.

Kaoru: (pulls harder) It's stuck!  Kenshin, what did you do to it?

_Off-camera shot of Saitou snickering as he holds a can of glue behind his back_

Kenshin: Oro?  Hey, you're not supposed to know my name yet!

Kaoru: (yanks really hard; sakabatou comes out suddenly, causing her to fall over) Aaaaah!  (stands up very quickly and looks at the sword) Hey, the blade's on the wrong side!

Kenshin: (laughing too hard to talk)

Director: Cut!

Scene where Gohei's about to cut Kaoru in half and Kenshin rescues her just in time.

Kaoru: (looks at the stub of her bokken) Shimatta!

Gohei: (raises his sword to "kill" her)

_LOOOOOOOOOOOONG WAIT_

Gohei: (lowers sword and looks to his right) Hey, Kenshin!  Get your butt out here!

Kenshin: (off the set) Stupid sakabatou!  I can't believe you're stuck again…Hey, this stuff is glue!  Saitou, I'm going to kick your ^*%@ ass!

Kaoru: Kenshin, you don't need it for this scene.

Kenshin: Oh yeah…

_Kaoru, Gohei and "dead" policemen slap their foreheads._

Director: Cut!  Saitou, no more playing with the glue!

Scene from above, take two:

Kaoru: (looks at the stub of her bokken) Shimatta!

Gohei: (raises his sword to "kill" her)

Kenshin: (rushes in, scoops Kaoru out from under the descending blade…trips, sending both him and Kaoru flying) Orororoooo!

Kaoru: Itai!

Hiko: (walks onto set, looks down at Kenshin) Baka deshi, can't even rescue a girl without screwing up. (takes a swig of sake)

Kenshin: M…master?

Director: Cut!  Hiko, what the hell are you doing?

Scene where Kenshin rushes into Kaoru's bath because he thinks she's about to commit suicide.

Kenshin: (pushes open door) Stop!  Don't kill your…!

Kaoru: (shocked look on her face)

Kenshin: (drools) Huminna, huminna, huminna!

Kaoru: Kenshin no hentai! (stands up to slap him)

_Kenshin and entire male cast and crew faint from massive nosebleeds._

Kaoru:  Oopsie…er, cut?

Scene from above, take two:

Kenshin: (pushes open door) Stop!  Don't kill your…! ("trips" and falls headfirst into the tub)

Kaoru: Kenshin!

Kenshin: (surfaces with a thoughtful look on his face) We're definitely going to need a bigger tub, de gozaru yo.

Kaoru: (hentai grin) I dunno…this one's pretty cozy, don't you think?

Kenshin: ^-^x Yeah…

Sanosuke: (off stage) Oi!  Get a room you two!

Kenshin: Hm, good idea…(starts to pick Kaoru up)

Director: Cut!  Cut!  For the love of Kami-sama, cut!  This is not a hentai anime series we're making here people!

Kenshin and Kaoru: Nuts.

Scene on the bridge where Kenshin's just given Yahiko his wallet.

Yahiko: (looks at the wallet in his hand in shock, then at Kenshin's back; angrily throws the wallet…and accidentally beans Kaoru in the head)

Kaoru: @_@ Oh, lookit the pretty stars! (faints)

Kenshin: Kaoru-dono! (catches her)

Yahiko: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!  Is she okay?!  Did I hurt her?!  WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!  I made her faint!  I'm such a terrible person! (begins sobbing uncontrollably)

Kenshin: o_Ox Yahiko…dude, chill.

Yahiko: (runs away, wailing about hurting "Kaoru-sama")

Director: Will someone go after him? Cut!

Scene from above, take two:

Yahiko: (looks at the wallet in his hand in shock, then at Kenshin's back; angrily throws the wallet at Kenshin's head)

Kenshin: (whirls around and slices the wallet in half) Ha ha!  No on can defeat the godlike speed of my Hiten Mitsuryugi Ryu!  (flashes a victory sign)

Kaoru: Kenshin no baka…

Director: Cut!  Himura!  No more caffeine or I'll let Saitou have the glue again!

Scene where Zanza (a.k.a. Sanosuke) challenges Kenshin and rips the cover off of his really big sword _(The Narrator has forgotten the exact name)_.

Yahiko: His sword is huge!

Kaoru: Do you think he's compensating for something?

Zanza: Hey!

Kenshin: (looks down at his sakabatou) I guess that means that I…

Zanza: HEY!

Kaoru: Kenshin! (points to Ayame and Suzume)

Kenshin: Oops…gomen, Ayame-chan, Suzume-chan.

Ayame: I don't get it.

Suzume: Me neither.  Maybe we can ask the Director to explain it…

Director: Eep!  Cut!

Scene from above, take two:

Yahiko: Whoa!  He really is compensating for something!

Zanza: Why you little…! (starts chasing Yahiko around with the really big sword)

Director: Hee hee!  Oh, right…cut!

Scene from "Death match Under the Moon" where Kenshin has just walked into the clearing where Jin-ei's holding Kaoru captive.

Kaoru: Kenshin!

Jin-ei: Those are good eyes.  He is angry.

Kenshin: Oh yes.  Angry at you for involving Kaoru-dono and at myself for not stopping you. (pulls a .9 mm out of Hakama-Space and points it a Jin-ei) Omae o korosu. *deathglare*

Jin-ei and Kaoru: *sweatdrop*

Yahiko: (off stage) Heero Yuy, he ain't.

Director: Cut!  Kenshin, how many times have I told you to leave your firearms at home?

Scene where Jin-ei has just done the Shin-no Ippou thing that's supposed to make him invincible.

Jin-ei: (grins maniacally and slices a boulder repeatedly)

Kenshin: Oh, wow, you just wasted a rock.  I'm so friggin' scared.

Kaoru:  What did that rock ever do to you?  How would you like it if someone came up and hacked _you_ to bits?

Jin-ei: I wouldn't like that at all.  Kaoru-san, you have shown me the error of my ways.  I will never hurt another rock again! (falls on the boulder and starts weeping)

Kenshin: Does this mean you're not going to fight me now?

Jin-ei: I said rocks, not humans, you dolt. 

Kenshin: *sweatdrop*

Director: Cut!  That was too weird, even for you, Jin-ei.

_Things Rurouni Kenshin Characters Would Never Say (at least, we hope not…)_

**Kenshin**

Ah!  It's true!  I wear pink!  (sobs)

But I don't wanna do the laundry…

Honestly, is my voice femmy?

Hiten Mitsuryugi Ryu, Do Ryu Sen!  Oops, gomen Yahiko, didn't see you there…

Shishio, _love_ what you did with your hair!

The squirrels are coming! Hide me, hide me! (cowers behind Kaoru)

Ow.

**Kaoru**

Saitou-chan! (glomp)

Kenshin?  I dunno where he is and frankly, I don't give a damn!

Shit, I just broke a nail!  I've had it with this martial arts stuff! (throws bokken down and stomps away) If anyone wants me, I'll be arranging flowers!

(singing) "I'm a bitch, I'm a lover, I'm a child, I'm a mother…" 

**Yahiko**

Kaoru-sama!

I'm weak!  And I need some help!

Yahiko-kun, Yahiko-chan, same difference.

Kenshin?  Personally, I think he's a little femmy.

**Sanosuke**

(smoking a pipe) Elementary, my dear Kenshin.  It is all a simple matter of deduction.  See here, where the tracks seem to be pointing to the forest…(goes on and on, through a trail of brilliant logic an observation).

Saitou, old buddy, what say I buy you a drink?

**Megumi**

Gomen nasai, Kaoru-san!

Ew, Kenshin, get away from me!

Seriously though, I'm not really a doctor.  I've only watched every episode of General Hospital and Diagnosis Murder.

**Saitou**

I need a hug.

*cough cough* That's *wheeze* it!  No more cigarettes!  Where are those damn Nicorette patches?

Can't we all just get along?

(sings) "It's a small world after all, it's a small world after all…!" (_I have no idea where that one came from.  Scary thing is, I can actually picture it_)

(Saitou on a sugar high.  I would _not_ want to be on the cleanup crew)

**Aoshi**

I don't care who is the strongest, so long as I get my latte!

Misao-chan, give Aoshi-sama a hug!

Does this suit make my butt look big?

**Misao**

Dammit Aoshi, lighten up!

My name's Misao and I'm a caffeine-aholic…


	2. Take Two!

Narrator here.  Domo arigatou, minna-san, for the reviews that gave me the encouragement to do another run of these "Kenshin Outtakes"!  *sniff* I had no _idea_ that my comedic genius was so appreciated!

Kanashimi (The Narrator's little sister): *cough!* ego trip! *cough, cough!*

Narrator: *death glare worthy of Heero Yuy* Don't act like you didn't think they were funny, too!

Kanashimi: I'm just here to keep you humble.  If your head swelled any bigger, you wouldn't be able to drive that tank of a Buick of yours to school.

Narrator: Hey, leave the Buick outta this!

Disclaimer: Come on!  I dare anyone who says I don't own Rurouni Kenshin to fight me for it!  *legions of rabid, katana-wielding lawyers pop up in Authorspace* Waugh!  Can't you people take a joke?!

Legions of Rabid, Katana-wielding Lawyers: NO!

Narrator: Okay then…bye!  *runs away, shouting, "It's not mine, it's not mine!"*

_Rurouni Kenshin Outtakes (Take, the Second)_

Scene where Megumi runs into the room where Kenshin, Sano, and Sano's friends are gambling:

Megumi: (sees Kenshin's sword) Help me!  Bad men are after me!  (runs to him, her geta falling from her feet as she goes up the step…one of the geta hooks on the step, tripping her)  Aaaaahhh!

Sano: (with amazing presence of mind, catches her) Hey, you all right?

Megumi: Oh yes, what woman wouldn't be, in your arms?

Sano: *blush*

Kenshin: Oro?  I thought Megumi-dono was supposed to be all clingy and flirty with sessha.  (is hit over the head with a bokken by Kaoru)  @_@x  Orooooo!

Kaoru: Kenshin no baka!

Director: Cut!  Kaoru, save it for later!  (sees Megumi still clinging to Sano)  And Megumi…uh, could you let go of him now?

Megumi: (pouts) Awww…!  *~*

Scene from above, take two:

Megumi: (sees Kenshin's sword) Help me!  Bad men are after me! (doesn't even bother to take off her geta and launches herself at Sano)

Sano: (all too happy to oblige, catches her…again…) So, tell us about these bad men you're so worried about.

Megumi: Aw hell, who cares about them!  Give Fox-lady a kiss!

Sano: ^_^  Yes ma'am!

Kenshin: *whip-cracking noise*

_*Insert major S/M make-out session for yourself…The Narrator's not going into details…*_

Yahiko: (offstage, talking through a major nosebleed) And I dod Kaodru and Kendshin were bad!

Director: Cud!  For de love of all dat's decent, CUD!

_This outtake was dedicated to all you S/M fans out there!_

Scene where Megumi's made ohagi to celebrate Yahiko getting better:

Ayame: Ohagi!  I love ohagi!

Suzume: Ohagi! Ohagi!

Kaoru: Where's Sano?  I don't think he'd want to miss out on this.

Kenshin: He probably went home to take a na-…

Sano: (running in from offstage) I have no idea what you're talking about, Kenshin!  Now scoot over and stop hogging the ohagi!  (begins pigging out)

Kenshin: *sweatdrop* Ano, Sano?  I don't think…

Saitou: (also coming in from offstage) If the ahou gets to eat the ohagi, then I do too.  (sits down and grabs one of the ohagi)

Sano: Bmerf umpf oof affss, ooo akcer!  (Rough Translation: Blow it out your ass, you…*well, I think you know Sano well enough to figure out what he said*)

Megumi: Sano!

Sano: (looks at her with big eyes and cheeks stuffed like a chipmunk) Merf?

Megumi: (trying to look stern) You shouldn't *snort* say such *ha ha* such *snicker* bad words in front of…oh never mind!  HAHAHAHAHA!  I wish I had a camera!

Soujiro: (I have no idea where he came from) Oooo, ohagi!  I LOOOOOOVVVVE ohagi! (begins scarfing them down with his super-speed)

Kaoru: I think I'm going to be ill.

Yahiko: Hey!  These are supposed to be mine!  Stop eating them!

Soujiro: Make me!   THHHHHHHHHBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBPPPPPPPPPPTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!

Yahiko: Yeah, well….TTHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHPPPPPPPPPPBBBBBBBBBBBTTTTTTTT! to you too!

Saitou: Both of you, stop it.  You're getting your spit on the ohagi.

Soujiro and Yahiko: SHUT UP!  THHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPTTTTTTTTTT!

Saitou: *eye twitch* Aku, Zoku,…THHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHBBBBBBBBBBBBPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!

_This goes back and forth for a while, until the entire cast is involved in a raspberry war._

Director: I don't suppose you'd listen to me if I said cut?

Kenshin Cast: NO! TTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHBBBBBBBBBBBBBPPPPPPPPPPPPPTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!

Director: *sigh* I didn't think so. If anyone wants me, I'll be out back, sobbing…

Scene where Saitou is just about to face off with Sano for the first time:

Saitou: I suppose I will just have to leave you as my calling card (reaches behind his back and pulls out his concealed katana…only it's still in its sheath)

Sano: So you're going to beat me senseless with a stick?  (A/N: Probably not a good idea to provoke Saitou like that, even if he only has a stick)

Saitou: *deathglare* Shut up ahou.  (tries unsheathing the katana, but it won't come out) Stupid son-of-a…!

Sano: Need any help with that, eh Saitou?

Saitou: Grrrrrr…

_Off-camera shot of Kaoru and Kenshin high-fiving each other and laughing their asses off.  Kaoru has a can of glue by her feet._

Director: Justice has been served.  ^_^

Yahiko: I guess Director-sama's having a Wufei moment.

Scene from above, take two:

Saitou: I suppose I will just have to leave you as my calling card. (successfully unsheathes his katana)

Sano: (goes into a fighting stance)

Cell phone: RING!

Saitou: Aw, crap!  Time out! (puts his katana down and pulls out his cell phone)  Moshi moshi!  Yes dear…no, I'm in the middle of a shoot right now…yes, dear…no, dear…I'm sorry, really, I am!  No, I didn't forget, I swear!  Honey, listen to me, I've just been so busy…

_While this has been going on, everyone has been watching with varying degrees of shock on their faces._

Soujiro: Does this mean Saitou-san REALLY is married?

Yahiko: Looks like it. o_O

Kenshin: Not only is he married, he's also W-H-I-P-P-E-D!  Hee hee…

Kaoru: Oooo, massive brain warp, ooooo…

Megumi: Tell me about it…

Saitou: (hangs up cell phone with an injured puppy dog look on his face) Where were we? (dejectedly picks up katana)

Sano: (sympathetic) Forgot your anniversary, huh?

Saitou: *nod* Our fifth…

Sano: (shakes head knowingly) What is it with women and anniversaries anyway?  I mean, so what if it's another year since you…

Megumi: (smacks him over the head with Kaoru's bokken) SANO NO BAKA!  I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU SAID THAT!!  JUST FOR THAT…!

Sano: Megumi…?!?!?!?  Itai!  Megu…itai!  Koishii!  ITAI!

Megumi: DON'T YOU DARE "KOISHII" ME, MISTER!  COME BACK HERE AND TAKE YOUR PUNISHMENT!

Saitou: (watches Megumi chase Sano around the set) At least Tokio doesn't resort to violence…

Tokio: (appearing out of thin air) Wanna bet?

Saitou: (takes one look and runs)

Director: That…was…interesting.

_The Narrator wishes to state that she has nothing against Saitou, it's just that he's so much fun to make fun of.  And I wish they had put Tokio in the series._

_Rurouni Kenshin Top Ten…_

**Top Ten Indicators that a Rurouni Kenshin Villain is about to land **

**"in a world of sh^t."***

10.  The villain threatens to harm any of the Kenshin-gumi.

9.    Kenshin unsheathes his sakabatou.

8.    Kenshin uses "kisama" in any of his sentences.

7.    Kenshin's pupils get _reeeeeeeeeaaaalllllllyy_ small and/or disappear all together.

6.    The villain says, "I'm invincible/undefeatable/etc…"

5.    Kenshin drops the "de gozaru" from his sentences.

4.    Kenshin sheathes his sakabatou and goes into his buttou juttsu stance.

3.    Kenshin's eyes turn gold.  (pant! pant!)

2.    The villain kidnaps (or in anyway harms/threatens to harm) Kaoru-dono.

1.    The villain says, "I win."

_*Kudos to anyone who knows what movie this is from!_

**Top ****Ten Ways**** to Piss Off Kaoru (if you're feeling suicidal…)**

10.  Call her "tanuki." (especially if you're a doctor-type Kitsune)

9.    Insult her cooking.

8.    Be a red-headed-rurouni and bleed on her favorite indigo ribbon which she loaned to you.

7.    Be a red-headed rurouni and show any interest whatsoever in any other woman.

6.    Call her "busu."

5.    Be a red-headed rurouni and give her a catfish on her "special day."

4.    Call her "busu" _and_ insult her cooking.

3.    Get her drunk.  (but only if you want to be in massive amounts of pain)

2.    Beat up on anyone smaller and/or weaker than you in her presence.

1.    Be a red-headed rurouni and leave on a quest without her.*

_*This will also guarantee you the enmity of every K&K fan until you come back and declare your undying love to her.  The Narrator is **still** pissed over that one!_

**Two Words Guaranteed to Floor any of the Kenshin-gumi:**

****

****

**_"Saitou's married."_**

_Okay, so that's not **exactly** a "Top Ten" list, but I had to say it.  And it would work, ne?_


	3. Here we go again...

Kanashimi: For God's sake people, stop encouraging her!

Narrator: (singing in the background) I have reviews, I have reviews!  People think I'm funny!  BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Kanashimi: See what I mean?  If anyone else reviews this, I will hunt them down and bash them repeatedly over the head with a fluffy pillow!  (snarls at reviewers and brandishes her fluffy pillow)

Narrator: Aw, don't say that!  Reviewers are beautiful people!

Kanashimi: NO, they're not!  Do you have any idea what it's like living with you when you're on an authoress ego trip?  Insane, that's what!  I-N-S-A-N-E!

Narrator: Stop it with the negative waves, Moriarty!  Why can't you say something beautiful and righteous for once? [A/N: Does anyone know what movie this is from?]

Kanashimi:  You are sooooo dead! (starts beating her over head with the pillow)

Narrator: Aaaaahh, Mercy!  Mercy, I pray thee!  Tell you what, if I *whisper whisper* would you be happy?

Kanashimi: REALLY?!  (throws pillow aside) Dammit, get back on that computer and start typing, woman!

Narrator: Che, I goin', I'm goin'!

Disclaimer: (chibi-Kanashimi appears and bows) Watsuki-sama owns Rurouni Kenshin.  My insane older sister is only borrowing the characters to feed her delusional imagination (The Narrator: Hey!) without profit for the entertainment of the people who actually read this.  *evil grin* Now, if **_I_** owned RK…

Saitou: Why do I have this sudden premonition of impending doom?

_Rurouni Kenshin Outtakes, Take 3_

_This isn't actually an outtake; it's just a cute little vignette that popped into my head that was too short to warrant a separate posting:_

Misao: (walks into the break room off the set) Whew, my throat's getting dry from all the talking!  Why do I always have to be so hyper?

Aoshi: (sitting on the floor) Misao, that you?

Misao: (jumps three feet in the air) GAH!  Aoshi, don't scare me like that!  What the heck are you doing on the floor?!

Aoshi: Meditating.

Misao: (plops down next to him) Izzat so?  Mind if I join you?

Aoshi: (noncommittal shrug) Go ahead.  (closes his eyes)

Misao: (closes her eyes)

_Tick…tock…tick…tock…goes the clock (it's a long break)_

Misao: *thinking* How long have I been sitting here?  It feels like my legs aren't even there…oh great, my butt just fell asleep…hellllloooooo Aoshi, pretty girl sitting right next to you!  What are you going to do about it?  I'm wearing my special perfume, just for you, why don't you kiss me dammit!  There's no one here…we're aaaaaaalllllllll alone, it's the perfect time, the perfect place, hint, hint…!  Damn, I guess he's not receptive to telepathy…

Aoshi: ZZzzzz…

Misao: What the…?!  AOSHI, DID YOU FALL ASLEEP?!

Aoshi: *snort* Huh, wha…?

Misao: KECHO GERI!

_Aoshi catches her before she can land the kick on his head, but of course, Misao's not going to give up that easily…_

Misao: I can't believe you!

Aoshi: Ow!  Misao…!  Itai, Misao…!  Quit it!  (begins to fight back)

Misao: My legs fell asleep half an hour ago and you were _snoring_! (smacks him in the head)

Aoshi: (pins her to the floor) Look, I'm sorry…I kind of drifted…

Misao: YA THINK?!

_At that precise moment, Yahiko opens the door and sees them.  Both are panting quite heavily and their clothes are in disarray…_

Yahiko: Misao?  AOSHI?!  OH MY GOD, MY EYES, MY EYES!  AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!  COULDN'T YOU HAVE GONE SOMEWHERE ELSE?!?!  EW, ECCHI, ECCHI, AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! (runs away screaming)

Aoshi: You know, now that everyone _thinks_ we're…

Misao: …we might as well, neh?

Aoshi: ^_^ 

Scene where Kenshin says goodbye to Kaoru before going to Kyoto:

Kenshin: (hugging Kaoru): Thank you for everything.  Sessha wa rurouni…I must return to wandering.

Kaoru: (begins crying)

All Female Cast Members: (offstage) *sniffle*

Kenshin: Sayonara...  (begins walking away)

Kaoru: Ken…shin… (falls to her knees, sobbing)

Megumi: Argh!  You SON-OF-A-BITCH! GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE!

Kenshin: Oro!  Megumi-dono…?!

Tae: HOW DARE YOU LEAVE HER IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD LIKE THAT!

Kaoru: (still a little misty-eyed) Guys, really, I'm okay…

Misao: NO YOU'RE NOT!  WHAT KIND OF A MAN LEAVES THE WOMAN HE LOVES CRYING HER HEART OUT?! (kunai appear in her hands)

Tsubame: JERK!

Director: Ladies, please calm down!  It's only…!

All Female Cast Members: YOU SHUT UP!

Director: Meep!  (cowers behind his chair)

_All female cast members begin chasing Kenshin around the set, intent on beating the ever-living crap out of him._

Kenshin: (running for dear life) Megumi-dono! Tae-dono!  ITAI!  Misao-DONO!

Tsubame: SHINEI!  [A/N: o_O]

Yahiko: (watching from the sidelines) Women are weird.

Sano: You said it.

Megumi: In the name of Love, we will punish you!

Soujiro: And scary.

Saitou: *nod* Of course, this is just payback for Battousai laughing when Tokio was chasing me around. *smug smirk*

Aoshi: Hey, Himura!  They're gaining on you!

Kenshin: (Battousai Glare-of-Death as he runs past)

Hiko: 3000 yen says they catch him before itachi musume runs out of kunai.  (ducks one of Misao's kunai)

Misao: I _heard _that!

Kaoru: (joining the men) You're on.  They'll never catch him.

Sano: You sound pretty sure of that, Jou-chan.

Kaoru: That's because I know all about Kenshin's _splendid_ endurance! (tanuki ears pop out on her head) OHOHOHOHOHOHO!

Sano, Saitou + Hiko: *blink blink* o_O

Yahiko: I did _not_ need to hear that.

Soujiro: Huh?  What are you talking about?  Did I miss something?

Kaoru: -_- It's scary how naïve you are sometimes.  (whispers in his ear)

Soujiro: O.O *massive nosebleed* I'm scarred for life!

Scene from above, take two:

Kenshin: (hugging Kaoru): Thank you for everything.  Sessha wa rurouni…I must return to wandering.

Kaoru: (begins crying)

All Female Cast Members: (offstage) *sniffle*

Kenshin: Sayonara...  (begins walking away)

Kaoru: Ken…shin… (falls to her knees, sobbing)

Director: (looks fearfully at the females; they don't move) Thank goodness…

_Kenshin suddenly runs back and sweeps Kaoru up in his arms._

Kaoru: Kenshin?!

Kenshin: Misao-dono was right!  I can't leave you like this!  I can't stand to be apart from you!  Please forgive sessha, de gozaru yo!  (crushes her against his chest, sobbing)

Kaoru: Ken…shin…can't…breathe…

Yahiko: Forget what I said earlier.  _Kenshin's_ weird.

Soujiro: (wiping away the blood still dribbling from his nose) And scary…

Director: Is anybody there?  Does anybody care?

Female Cast Members: *smug grins*

Scene where Soujiro has just cut through Kenshin's sakabatou:

Soujiro: (sheathes sword) You're right, this match doesn't have a winner or a loser.  (starts walking past Kenshin)  I'll excuse myself for today now, but I hope you'll fight me again. And have a new sword ready by the time I see you again.  (doesn't realize Kenshin's slapped a "Kick Me" sign on his back)

Kenshin: (trying very hard to keep a straight face) Heh heh…^~^x

Soujiro: (exits – still clueless)

Saitou: (slaps forehead) I can't believe _you're_ the one who's supposed to save Japan in this series.

Kenshin: ^_^x

Kaoru: (offstage) Like you should talk, Mister Fun-with-Glue!

Saitou: Thhhhhppppbbttttt!

Kaoru: Thhhhhhpppppppbbbbbttttttt!!

Director: Cut!  All of all the immature…!

Scene where Soujiro has just rejoined Shishio and Yumi:

Soujiro: I'm sorry, Shishio-san for making such a mess of the sword I borrowed.  But it's not my fault.  If you're going to be mad, be mad at Himura-san.

Shishio: To break the Nagasone Kotetsu this badly with a sakabatou…I underestimated him a bit.

Soujiro: Kotetsu?  
Yumi: You're good with your arms but not with your head!

Soujiro: Well, excuuuuuuuuuuse me, lady!  Just because I don't know every detail about every frickin' sword that's been made in Japan doesn't mean you can treat me like a frickin' moron!

Shishio + Yumi: o.O

Soujiro: Aw, forget it!  Nobody cares about me anyway!  My cheeks are cramping from all this smiling, I've got a wedgie and I didn't have my coffee this morning!  On top of that, _someone_ ate the last cheese Danish in the break room!  I AM _NOT_ A HAPPY SOUJIRO!!  (stomps off, still ranting)

Misao: (offstage) I didn't know he was so possessive about those things…

Shishio: He still has that "Kick Me" sign on his back, you know.

Yumi: Uh-huh.

Shishio: Maybe we should do something about it.

Yumi: Uh-huh *evil grin*

Director: Kowai…

_Fun with Rurouni Kenshin Characters…_

Kanashimi: Hee hee…

Narrator: Dear God…

Scene where Saitou has just gatotsued Kenshin for the first time and is readying for his second attack:

Kaoru: That stance!  Another Gatotsu?

Saitou: (begins charging)

_Out of nowhere, Saitou is tackled by a Goth-girl-type chibi._

Chibi-Kanashimi: POOKIE! (glomp!)

Saitou: *sweatdrop* Get off of me!

Chibi-Kanashimi: NO!  You're my pookie!  I'll never let you go!

Saitou: I said get off!  (starts trying to pry her off of his body)

Yahiko: Pookie?!

Kenshin: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA…ow...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! [A/N: He was just gatotsued; it's gotta hurt to laugh]

Sano: I never knew Saitou was so attractive.

Megumi: o_O Please don't say things like that, Sano…

Kaoru: It's very wrong, coming from you.

Sano: Huh?  O.O  Hey!  NO, NO, I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT!!!

Yahiko: Suuuuuure…

Chibi-Kanashimi: I'm gonna hug you and pet you and bring you home and call you Pookie!

Saitou: Stop calling me Pookie!

Chibi-Kanashimi: Um…no!  (starts dragging him off the set)

Saitou: Let go of me!  No, I won't go!  Help!  Somebody, anybody!  HEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLPP!

Kenshin: Should we help him, de gozaru ka?

_Kenshin-gumi exchanges glances._

Kenshin-gumi: Naaaahh!

_This little side note of absolute randomness is a belated birthday present for my little sister, Kanashimi.  Yes, she has said she's wanted to do this…_

Kanashimi: Only you didn't put in the part where I got to bite…

Narrator: Ack!  No, don't say it!

Kanashimi: But I only wanted to…

Narrator: Noooooooooo!  I don't want to think about it ever again!  (runs away screaming)

Kanashimi: Che.  Wonder what's got her all worked up.  (starts rummaging through her whip collection)

Saitou: O.O


	4. Warning: Excessive Editorializing Ahead!

Narrator here.  You love me, you really love me!  Hugs and kisses to all my reviewers: Hotaru Tomoe, Karina Kineshi, **Talaco **_(Thanks for the invite to your RK party!  I'm glad you liked my fic)_, Amy, Susan, Selene, Lina Inverse…

_The Narrator is interrupted as a black and blue blur with a katana, closely followed by another black and blue blur with a whip almost run her over._

Saitou: Get away from me, you insane little girl!

Kanashimi: Pookie, come back!

Saitou: NO!

Kanashimi: YES!!

Narrator: Uh, yeah… *sweatdrop* Anyway…Thanks also to Shira Yozoma, Koihe Kid, **Glass Rose** _(I had a hard time getting "It's a Small World" out of my head after writing that section…)_, SMDSP, Arashi, **Starwriter** _(Sometimes Kenshin does sound femmy, but I socked one of my guy friends who had the idiocy to actually say that)_, Mara, **Kori Suketchi **_(Yes, great minds **do** think alike, although I thought I was being original -_- What's the name of your fic?)_, **Onna** _(All I can say is…watch your back)…_

Kanashimi: Damn straight!  See this?  (brandishes fluffy pillow)  I have a pillow and I'm not afraid to use it!

Narrator: Weren't you chasing Saitou?

Kanashimi: I was.

Narrator: Okay…Why aren't you chasing him now?

Kanashimi: *shrug* Caught him.

Saitou: (somewhere in The Narrator's Authorspace) GET ME OUTTA HERE!

Narrator: Oh.  Moving on…to **Jason M. Lee and chibi-angel: **_I'll never forget that Sano used a zanbattou.  Thanks for clearing that up,_ thanks also to Fanny M, Ayce Shade, J. Liha, Takato Taikash, **Shiari **_(It's nice to know Kanashimi's not alone)…_

Kanashimi: He's still **_my_** pookie!

Narrator: Technically, since he's married to Tokio…

Kanashimi: *scary growl*

Narrator: Shutting up!  And last but not least, thank you to **Emiri-chan: **_Your enthusiasm has been both inspiration and motivation.  I hope I have answered your challenge sufficiently._  Domo arigato, minna-san!  I don't know how much longer I can keep this up, but I'll sure as heck try!

Kanashimi: And if anyone bashes Saitou in their reviews…just remember the fluffy pillow…

Narrator: Where did I put those sedatives?  And I still don't own RK, so all you lawyers can kiss my…!

_Rurouni Kenshin Outtakes (The Narrator takes on the __Kyoto__ Arc)_

And the Kyoto Arc says "uh-oh"…

Scene where Hiko's just sent Kenshin to get water so he can talk to Kaoru, Misao, and Yahiko:

Hiko: There are some questions I want to ask you.

Yahiko + Misao: Hai!

Yahiko: There's just one thing I want to know…

Misao: …how old are you?

Hiko: A true lady never asks a gentleman his real age.

Yahiko: Bwah?

Kaoru: Ano…isn't it "a true _gentleman_ never asks a _lady_ her real age"?

Hiko: Things are politically correct now, so I think the corollary should apply, don't you?

Yahiko: Bwah?!?

Misao: *whining* Director-san, Hiko's using big words again!  Make him stooooop!

Director: Cut!  Hiko, it's called a script!  Use it!

Scene where Yahiko's just blurted about warning Kenshin that Aoshi's in Kyoto:

Misao: (tackles Yahiko) Aoshi-sama!?  You know something about him?  Please, tell me!

Yahiko: Aoshi…SAMA?! (jumps up and stands in front of Kaoru, shinai out and ready for action)

Kaoru: Yahiko?!

Yahiko: Stand back, Kaoru!  She's one of the Onnaweemi-banshu!

_Everyone freezes, trying to ignore his little slip up._

Yahiko: (tries again) Stand back, Kaoru!  She's one of the Onnawami-banshwee!  Onawumoo…Ona – ack!  I can't say it!

_Kaoru, Misao, and the rest of the cast begin cracking up._

Yahiko: Who was the sadist who came up with that name anyways?

Director: Cut!

Scene from above, take two:

Misao: (tackles Yahiko) Aoshi-sama!?  You know something about him?  Please, tell me!

Yahiko: Aoshi…SAMA?! (jumps up and stands in front of Kaoru, shinai out and ready for action)

Kaoru: Yahiko?!

Yahiko: Stand back, Kaoru!  She's one of the…one of…one of those ninja peoples!

Misao: Ninja peoples?!

Yahiko: I can't say it!  Yahiko's not coherent today!

Kaoru: Yahiko is also referring to himself in the third person.

Yahiko: Yahiko is allowed to do that.

Director: Cut!  (shakes head) Bizarre little twit…

Yahiko: Hey!

_Kanashimi: Just because **you **had trouble pronouncing it…_

_Narrator: Aw, shaddup!_

Scene (in flashback) where Okina is telling sleeping chibi-Misao that Aoshi is leaving:

Okina: Misao…your Aoshi is going to leave the Aoiya.

Chibi-Misao: *cute snoring*

_Aoshi goes outside and joins the rest of his Onawami…Onnewimmy…Ona…the ninja peoples._

Hannya: She will be sad when she wakes up and finds out that you're gone, Aoshi-sama.

Voice of Chibi-Misao: That's why I'm coming with you!

_Aoshi turns around so that everyone can see Chibi-Misao latched firmly onto his butt._

Chibi-Misao: I'm coming with you, aren't I Aoshi-sama?  *puppy-dog eyes*

Aoshi: Ummm…*sweatdrop* Misao, I really need you to let go now…

Chibi-Misao: NO!  WON'T!!  (hugs him even tighter)

Aoshi: (tries prying her off) A little help here?

Hannya: But you look so kawaii!

Rest of…ninja peoples: Awwwww…

Kaoru: (offstage) Why aren't you out there helping him?

Misao: This is funny.  I'm not going to stop it.

Kaoru: Okaaaay…

Aoshi: (jumping around, still trying to shake off Chibi-Misao) WHY WON'T YOU LET GO?!?!

Chibi-Misao: BECAUSE I WUV YOU!!!

Kanashimi: (appearing out of nowhere) Ah, young love…

Director: Cut!  

Scene where Hiko's sitting on the log, waiting for Kenshin to wake up:

Hiko: Oi, how long are you going to sleep?

Kenshin: (tries to get up…fails)

Hiko: If you just sit there, I'm goin' to keep remembering the pasht…I mean, ha ha, the long ago pasht…Stupid hard to pronounce words…(takes another drink of  "sake")

Kenshin: (sits up and stares at Hiko) Shishou, daijoubu, de gozaru ka?

Hiko: Jusht dandy, heh heh!

Kenshin: Hey, you're really drunk, de gozaru yo!

Hiko: I'm not as think as you drunk I am!  (A/N: I _love_ that T-shirt!  Wish I had one…)

Kenshin: (picks up Hiko's "sake" jug and sniffs) @_@x  This isn't sake!  It's…(takes a drink)  *cough cough* VODKA!

Hiko: Yeah, a couple of my Russian buddies were visiting the hut just the other day…It's great shtuff.  Try some!  

Kenshin: Ano…

Hiko: Vodka for everyone!

Sano: Hiko rules!  (jumps onto the set, grabs the jug from Kenshin and begins chugging)

Kenshin: (sweatdrop as other cast members join the impromptu party) This is not going to be pretty, de gozaru…

Yahiko: Sugoi! (starts to run out onto the set)

Kaoru: (grabs his collar) Oh no you don't!

Yahiko: Awww, why not?

Kaoru: The Narrator's not going to allow any underage drinking in her fics.

Yahiko: Fudge! (pouts)

Kaoru: Director, why aren't you stopping this?

Director: (hides a flask) Sure thing *hic* Kaoru-shan!  I'll go right up there and *hic* put a shtop to all this!  (walks onto the set) Hey…shave me shum!

Kaoru: *sweatdrop*

_The Narrator does not encourage/approve of getting drunk or underage drinking.  It's just funny when **other** people do it and get hangovers…_

Scene where Shishio, Yumi, and Co. are standing on the deck of the _Purgatory_:

Yumi: (nervous) Are you sure we're safe on such an old ship?

Shishio: You didn't fall in love with me for my looks, did you?

Yumi: Nani?  Well, I'll admit there was the bandage fetish at first…

Shishio: o_O

Soujiro: O.O Not again!  *massive nosebleed*

Rest of RK cast: *blink blink* Ewwwwww…

Kenshin: *shudder* That is just disturbing, de gozaru yo.

Yumi: (innocent…cha, right!) What?

_Things You Wish Had Happened on Rurouni Kenshin_

1. Kenshin and Kaoru kiss, make out, etc.

_Narrator: That one's a "duh," but it soooooooo should have happened._

_Kanashimi: And you soooooo need to let go of it._

_Narrator: Grrrrrr…95 FRIGGIN' EPISODES!  AND NO SMOOCY-BOOCHIES!  NOT EVEN ONCE!  I CAN'T FRIGGIN' BELIEVE IT!  WHY?!?  WHY?!?!?  THEY DESERVED SMOOCHY-BOOCHIES, GUNDAMMIT! *continues ranting*_

_Kanashimi: *sweatdrop*_

2. Saitou takes off his jacket _and _his shirt.

_Narrator: Guess who wanted that one._

_Kanashimi: *drools*_

3. The entire male cast of RK breaks out into the "gang fight" song and dance routine from "West Side Story."

_Narrator: Kenshin and Sano in tight jeans…mmmm…_

_Kanashimi: Dancing ballet?!?  That's just wrong!_

_Narrator: They'd still be in tight jeans._

_Kanashimi: True…_

4. You actually get to _see_ Tokio.

_Kanashimi: Hell, no!  I don't want that!_

_Narrator: That's only because you'd lose your claim on Saitou._

_Kanashimi: Grrrrrr…_

5. You find out the secret of Sano's gravity-defying hair-do (this applies to Chou also, but we really don't care about him).

_Kanashimi: Did they even **have** wood glue back then?_

6. Kenshin doesn't really have to fight the bad guy.  He only has to beat him in a screaming contest.

_Narrator: For a little guy, he's sure got lungpower._

_Kanashimi: I could beat him. Watch… (opens mouth)_

_Narrator: (slaps both hands over Kanashimi's mouth) I'm sure whoever's reading this doesn't care to have their eardrums assaulted._

_Kanashimi: Umf issh eee Inereft!  Ike fey coo eeer ee!  _(Translation: This is the Internet!  Like they could hear me!)

7. You're told just how in the heck Kenshin got red hair.

_Kanashimi: Damn those Vikings…_

_Narrator: *nod nod*_

8. Shishio gets wiped out by a meteor.

_Yumi: Grrrrrr…_

_Narrator: (holds up hands) Hey, not my idea!  My otou-san and Kanashimi came up with that one!_

9. Shishio gets stomped on by Godzilla.

_Yumi: GRRRRRRR…!_

_Narrator: Okay, that one was mine.  (runs away from a homicidal Yumi)_

_Kanashimi: (as Godzilla) Ew, crunchy mummy dude on my foot!  And I just had a pedicure, too!_

10. Houji becomes a Mary Kay spokesperson and sells eye shadow from his pink choo-choo train.

_Narrator: o_O Again, my otou-san and Kanashimi.  Not me._

_Kanashimi: Pink choo-choo trains are scary…_

_Narrator: Oi…_

11. The Juppon-gatana do a replay of the infamous _Blazing Saddles _"campfire and beans" scene after eating Kaoru's cooking. (Mel Brooks is a genius!)

_Kanashimi: I don't even want to imagine the smell._

_Narrator:  All I can say to that is…yeah, my otou-san's weird (this was his idea again)_

_Kanashimi: What about me?  
Narrator: You're just special._

_Kanashimi: Aw, thanks…Hey!_

_Narrator: (runs away from homicidal, pillow-wielding Kanashimi)_

12. Misao slaps Aoshi upside the head for being clueless.

13. Megumi slaps Sano upside the head for being clueless.

14. Kaoru slaps Kenshin upside the head for being clueless.

_Kanashimi: I thought she does do that._

_Narrator: *shrug* I was on a roll._

_15. _Kenshin and Kaoru kiss, make out, have children, etc.__

_Kanashimi: You already said that._

 _Narrator: I didn't say, "**have children**" did I?_

_Kanashimi: But they do have children…child…whatever._

_Narrator: BUT I DIDN'T GET TO SEE IT, NOW DID I?!_

_Kanashimi: o_O Please think about what you just said…_

_A/N: I hope everyone enjoyed these outtakes.  I'm trying to space them out a bit so I don't put all of my good ones in one chapter.  Special side note on my otou-san: he also suggested something where Sano hits on Misao and gets the crap kicked out of him by Aoshi and Megumi.  He thinks it's funny when Sano gets beaten up…I don't know why._


	5. Technical Difficulties...Don't Read If Y...

Kanashimi here.  Yeah, that's right: it's me, The Narrator's little sister.  Ummmm…we're having some technical difficulties right now…

Narrator: (curled up in a ball on the floor) 0111000110101 base two does **_not_** make a persuasive speech a primary pollutant!  You're not listening to me!  Why can't you annuities understand the pathos that is in me?!  Why? (begins sobbing)

Kanashimi: *sweatdrop*

Saitou: What's wrong with the ahou?

Kanashimi: Finals.  And this is only the second day, too.

Saitou: You mean…she's going to get worse?

Kanashimi: Yup.

Narrator: (a la Escaflowne's Dilandau) Chiku…chiku…chiku…must burn…must _burn_…hahahaha…moero…moero!...MOERO!!...MOECHAAAAAAAAAAA!!!  BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Saitou: O_O  I can't deal with another insane woman!  Make her better, now!

Kanashimi: Calm down, Pookie.  I've already tried the usual stuff: Escaflowne videos, Gundam Wing pics, Kenshin music, Sorcerer Hunters manga, but it just doesn't seem to work!

Narrator: (twitching convulsively) Destroy…destroy…A = R[(1-(1+i)^-n)/i] and secondary pollutants inform photochemical arrays of 3x4!  Hydrocarbons will take over the world!  And squirrels will reign supreme!  AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!  WE'RE ALL DOOMED!  DOOOOOOOOOOOOMED!

Saitou: Try again!  She's starting to froth at the mouth!  And stop calling me Pookie!

Kanashimi: There's something I haven't tried…

Saitou: What?  What haven't you tried?!

Kanashimi: I haven't tried using Bob.

Saitou: Bob?

Kanashimi: Her laptop.  Normally, if she ever finds out that I'm messing with it, she snaps out of whatever mood she's in…

Saitou: Good enough! (takes out his katana)

Kanashimi: Pookie?  What are you doing?  
Saitou: Stop calling me Pookie, woman!  And I'm going to snap her out of her insanity right now! (prepares to Gatotsu Bob)  Aku, Soku,…

Kanashimi: Pookie, matte!  Dame!  You didn't let me explain…!

_Suddenly, The Narrator's Authorspace becomes reeeaaalllyy quiet.  Quiet, except for the sound of low, deep breathing…_

Kanashimi: Ano…nee-chan?

Narrator: (think Hannibal Lector) Nee-chan?  I'm sorry, nee-chan's not here at this time…(gets up off the floor)  No, she's not here…

Kanashimi: (grabs onto Saitou) Ohshitohshitohshitohshitoh_shiiiiit…!_

Saitou: (a tad worried at this point)

Narrator: (glares at Kanashimi and Saitou with glowing pink eyes) Hello, Kanashimi.

Kanashimi: _SHIIIIIITT!  RUUUUUUUUUUNNNNN!!!_  (sprints away as fast as she can, hauling Saitou behind her)

Narrator: You can run, but you'll only die tired…hahahahahaha…HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Saitou: What happened?!

Kanashimi: Pookie, I love you to death, but have I ever told you that you can be a real baka sometimes?

Saitou: Nani?

Kanashimi: My sister's a fanfic authoress!  Bob is what she writes her fics on!  Give you a clue why we're hauling ass?!

Saitou: …oh.  KUSO!  RUN FASTER, WOMAN!!!

Kanashimi: This is a call for help!  Can anyone out there find a way to cure my sister?  Preferrably before she kills us?!

Narrator: (singing) A huntsing we will go, a huntsing we will go, HI-LO A MERRY-O, A HUNTSING WE WILL GO!!

Disclaimer: DO YOU THINK WE HAVE TIME FOR THIS?!?!  WE ARE CURRENTLY FLEEING FROM A PSYCHOTIC HOMICIDAL AUTHORESS!!  

(we don't own RK or associated characters.  Happy?!)


	6. All Good Things Must Come to an End (or ...

Narrator here. Before we begin with another segment of "Kenshin Outtakes," I have one question.

Kanashimi: And that is?

Narrator: Why am I duct-taped to this chair?

_Flashback to "Technical Difficulties"_

Kanashimi: (dodging Narrator's kunai helpfully provided by Takato Taikashi) Help us, not her, kisama!

Narrator: BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! DIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Kanashimi: Come on, peoples! She's gaining on us!

Saitou: I shouldn't be running from an enemy.

Kanashimi: That's all spiffy, Pookie, but I think the Shinsengumi code of honor doesn't apply to homicidal authoresses.

Saitou: Point taken.

_Suddenly, a Rurouni Kenshin doujinshi appears in Kanashimi's hands._

Kanashimi: "To Kanashimi: This will fix her! Love, Kori Suketchi." I wonder what kind this is… (opens doujinshi) O.O Sweet Mother Mary!

Saitou: What is it? (takes doujinshi from Kanashimi) O.O KAMI-SAMA! I did not need to see this! (nosebleed)

Kanashimi: Throw it at her! It just might work!

Saitou: (chucks the doujinshi at The Narrator) Take that, oni!

Narrator: (catches doujinshi) Oooo, for me! (starts reading) SMOOCHY-BOOCHIES! SUGOI!

Kanashimi: Oh, there's more than smoochy-boochies in there…

Saitou: San, ni, ichi…

Narrator: O.O HENTAI! (faints from blood loss)

Kanashimi: Yes! Thanks, Kori!

Saitou: Is it over?

Kanashimi: Yep…probably. I'm almost certain it is.

Saitou: I'm going to make sure…

_End Flashback_

Kanashimi: shrug You made Pookie nervous.

Saitou: (curled up on the floor) Hentai, hentai, hentai, hentai, hentai…

Narrator: That sounds like something you did to him.

Kanashimi: Eh heh… (sweatdrop as she holds hentai RK doujinshi behind her back)

Narrator: Am I allowed to get out of this chair now?

Kanashimi: Ummm…

Disclaimer: Although my sister is a dedicated fan, she does not own Rurouni Kenshin. As you know, she doesn't even own her own mind at times… (The Narrator: You're sooooo lucky I'm still duct-taped to this chair…)

_Rurouni Kenshin Outtakes…Finale_

_Scene where Tae and Tsubame come to the dojo to cheer Kaoru up:_

Tae: Kaoru-chan! Time to get up! (opens shoji) Oh, she's gotten up on her own? I wonder where she went.

Tsubame: But her kimono is here. Is she somewhere in the house?

Tae: Maybe. Let's… (sees something else on the floor) Hey, isn't this Kaoru's…

Tsubame: …yukata? O.O

Kaoru: (somewhere in the distance) Free, I'm freeeeee! BUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Kenshin: (offstage) Shishou, did you get Kaoru-dono drunk again, de gozaru ka?

Hiko: ("What-me?" face)

Kenshin: Shishou!

Hiko: Guess this means you're going to have to look for her.

Kenshin: Of course it does! I have to bring her some clo…ooohhhhh, riiiiiiiight! x

Hiko: Baka deshi. Sometimes I think you're dense on purpose.

Director: Cut! Will you two please stop corrupting the children!

_Scene where Soujiro has just returned from his "errand" and he and Yumi go into the room where the Juppongatana have gathered:_

Kamatari: Oh, Soujiro-kun, it's been so long since I saw you last!

Soujiro: Konnichi-wa, Kamatari-san.

Kamatari: It's been a while, too, Yumi-san…

Yumi: N-Nice to see you…

Kamatari: (going SD) This time we'll really see who will win Shishio-sama's heart!

Yumi: (ditto) You're right. I don't want to lose against a man like you! (mutters) Stick swinging queer!

Kamatari: Grrrrr…

Yumi: Grrrrr…

Usui: Yow! Cat fight! Woo-hoo!

Anji: 6000 yen says Yumi KO's him in sixty seconds!

Usui: No way! My Eye of Heart predicts that Kamatari will be the victor!

_This starts an argument among the Juppongatana over who would win in a catfight, Yumi or Kamatari._

Houji: Yumi!

Henya: Kamatari!

Houji: YUMI!

Henya: KAMATARI!

Kenshin: (offstage) Yumi!

Kaoru: NANI! (thwacks him with her bokken)

Kenshin: Oroooo…

Yumi: (sweatdrop as she watches them) It's not like we were actually going to fight…

Kamatari: I'm so ashamed of my sex… (hangs head)

Yumi: (pats him on the shoulder) There, there. While we wait for these bakas to figure things out, why don't you show me that wonderful face cream you were talking about yesterday?

Kamatari: Okay! (walks off to the dressing room with Yumi)

Director: Cut! Gentlemen, get a hold of yourselves! (to self) Arguing like that when Tae could take on both at once…

_Scene on the **Purgatory** (The Narrator knows the actual name of the ship, it's just easier than having to add another word to her spell checker) just after Kenshin and Saitou jump off the dock to avoid the cannonball:_

Houji: Should we fire a second time, Shishio-sama?

Shishio: No, we don't need the Armstrong cannon anymore. In it's place…the Gatling gun. Hurry up and get it ready!

_Minions scurry to carry out his orders. Suddenly, there's a towering spray of water over the port side of the ship and Kenshin makes an impressive leap onto the bulwarks. The minions look at him, panicked. Kenshin flips his wet hair out of his face, only…_

Kenshin: Oro! (falls over the side of the ship)

Water: SPLASH!

Saitou: (slaps forehead) Tell me why _he's_ the hero of this series again!

Shishio: snort HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Sano: Kenshin, what happened!

Kenshin: (floating in the water) I think I flipped my hair too enthusiastically, de gozaru…

Kaoru: (offstage) Oi. Kenshin no baka…

Director: For some reason I'm reminded of "Baywatch"…

RK Cast: oO

Director: sweatdrop Er hem! Cut!

_The Narrator states here and now that she has no ownership of "Baywatch," nor does she have any desire to…_

_Kanashimi: I could make tasteless jokes about silicone implants doubling as flotation devices, but for the sake of my Pookie, I won't._

_Saitou: Hentai. hentai, hentai, hentai…_

_Scene after Kenshin and Sano have left Yumi and Soujiro to get to Shishio:_

Yumi: Are you all right now? I need to head out soon, too.

Soujiro: (his head in her lap) Don't worry about that. On the other side of that panel is a secret passageway, it is the shortest route to Shishio-san's room.

Yumi: (looks at the panel)

Soujiro: Use that to…to…ano…What was I saying?

Yumi: Soujiro, you were doing fine up till now! Don't tell me you've forgotten your lines!

Soujiro: Well cough it's hard to concentrate when your…when you…could you please stop taking such deep breaths?

Yumi: Nani!

Soujiro: I mean, can you stop moving your…you know…it's kinda distracting, is what I'm trying to say…

Yumi: (still not getting it) What are you talking about?

Soujiro: Your kimono…I don't think they tied the obi tight enough.

Yumi: NANI! (clutches front of kimono) SOUJIRO NO HENTAI! (throws Soujiro through the nearest wall)

Soujiro: Itai…

Kenshin: sweatdrop You haven't been giving Yumi-dono self-defense lessons, have you, Kaoru-dono?

Kaoru: Maybe… .

Sano: Anyone else notice that he stayed in her lap the entire time?

Aoshi: And you wouldn't?

Megumi + Misao: HENTAAAAAAAAAAIIIII! (throw respective male counterparts through same wall)

Sano + Aoshi: Owieeeeeee…

Director: Medic!

_Scene where Shishio has grabbed Kenshin after the first time they cross swords:_

Shishio: Battousai, will you too become my prey! (bites Kenshin on the shoulder)

Kenshin: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Sano: Kenshin!

Yahiko: (offstage, slightly green) I know it's just part of the show, but that was…

Soujiro: So cool!

RK Cast: stare

Soujiro: (babbling) I always wondered what people tasted like. Probably chicken, since everything's supposed to taste like chicken, but then again, I don't think tuna tastes like chicken, so I think people taste more like cow…

_Everyone is slowly edging away from the psycho smiling boy…_

Soujiro: Hey, have any of you seen the movie "Hannibal"?

RK Cast: O.O (Run awaaaaaaaaaay!)

Soujiro: I wonder what they're so worked up about…

Director: Where are those little white jackets I ordered?

_Kanashimi: You realize that everyone's going to think you're completely depraved now._

_Narrator: Uh huh._

_Kanashimi: Aren't you supposed to be still duct-taped to that chair?_

_Narrator: Uh huh. evil grin_

_Kanashimi: Kowai…_

_Scene from above, take two:_

_Soujiro is in a corner, straitjacketed and being injected with sedatives by the nice men in white coats._

Shishio: Battousai, will you too become my prey! (goes in for the bite)

Kaoru: (offstage) HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!

_Everyone freezes._

Kaoru: (takes a step onto the set) The only one (takes another step) who is allowed to bite Kenshin…(takes another step)

Kenshin: Uh-oh…

Shishio: twitch

Kaoru: …IS ME! (throws off kimono, revealing…)

Kenshin: Oro!

Yahiko: Sweet Mother of God!

Saitou: Ack!

Hiko: (tries to staunch his bloody nose with a hanky)

Sano: Whoa, go Jou-chan! whistles

Megumi: (smacks him upside the head)

Soujiro: OOOoooooooOOOOOoooo…I like black leather! (A/N: Yes, Soujiro-kun has now been successfully corrupted. Ninmu kanryou.)

Kaoru: (dressed like Tira Misu from Sorcerer Hunters) Let go of him now or (licks whip) I will be forced to punish you.

Shishio: O-O (drops Kenshin and runs…fast)

Kaoru: Oh, Kenshin, are you all right? (sweeps him up into her arms)

Kenshin: (stupid hentai grin) Heh heh heh…

Yahiko: Ano, Director-san? Shouldn't you be doing something?  
Director: (curled up in a ball on the floor) Hentai, hentai, hentai, hentai, hentai…

Yahiko: (sweatdrop) Never mind.

_Kanashimi: That's it, I'm taking away your manga now._

_Narrator: NOOOOOOOOOOOO! (hugs Sorcerer Hunters manga to her chest)_

_Kanashimi: Dominatrix Kaoru! What the hell is wrong with you, woman!_

_Narrator: grin_

_Kanashimi: I'm gonna leave that one alone…_

_Scene during the "Post-Having-Kicked-Shishio's-Butt" party:_

Misao: (whining) Where is Aoshi-sama!

Yahiko: He's at the temple, like always!

Misao: Why does he have to be there all the time?

Okina: He has a lot to sort out before he can heal.

Misao: But why-y-y-y!

Kenshin: (seriously) "Who can explain it?"  
Kaoru: (singing): "Who can tell you why?"

Sano: (singing): "Fools give you reasons…"

Everyone: (singing) "_Wise men never try!_"

Misao: blink blink You people worry sometimes.

Director: Cut! I thought I said no Rogers and Hammerstein musicals on the set!

_Scene where Aoshi is meditating in the temple and sees a rainbow:_

Aoshi: (sits there…guy doesn't even have the ability to look happy)

Misao: (sneaking up behind him) Heh heh…

Aoshi: Ano, Director-san? Where's Misao? She's supposed to be on the road down…

Misao: BONZAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIII!

Water balloons: KA-BLOOSH!

Aoshi: Waugh! (jumps to his feet and starts chasing Misao around the set)

Yahiko: Aoshi! Catch! (throws Aoshi a Super-soaker as he runs past)

Aoshi: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA! RUN IF YOU CAN, LITTLE GIRL!

Misao: Oh, crap! (runs faster)

Director: (as Aoshi chases Misao around the set) That boy can be downright scary at times…

_Scene from above, take two:_

Aoshi: (sitting, meditating)

Misao: (on the road, dancing)

Aoshi: Meh heh heh… (evil grin)

Director: Oh boy, here we go again…

Aoshi: (takes out water balloons from…somewhere) Hey, Misao!

Misao: Nani?

Aoshi: (throws water balloons) BUAHAHAHAHAHAHA! REVENGE IS MINE!

Misao: (sing-song voice) Oh, Aoshi-sama…

Aoshi: Nani? O.O

Misao: BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (begins spraying Aoshi with the fire hose)

Kaoru: (offstage) Ah, amore!

Kenshin: Funny way of showing it, if you ask sessha, de gozaru.

_Scene at the end of the Kyoto Arc, where the Kenshin-gumi return home:_

Kaoru: Kenshin, do you remember? (looks out over the stream)

Kenshin: Kaoru-dono?  
Kaoru: This is where you said goodbye to me that night. Before you left for Kyoto.

Kenshin: (guilty look on his face) A/N: He damned well better be guilty, the schmuck…

Kaoru: (as flashback plays) I was so shocked, I couldn't think of anything to say. The words wouldn't come out. But there was something I wanted to say…(flashback ends as she turns to Kenshin) DON'T YOU EVER LEAVE ME LIKE THAT EVER AGAIN!

Kenshin: (sighs) Should have seen this one coming… (is whacked over the head with Kaoru's bokken) Oroooo! (faints)

Kaoru: Oh…and welcome home.

Director: Saw that one coming about three miles away.

Sano: Same here.

Rest of RK cast: nod

_Scene from above, take two:_

Kaoru: Kenshin, do you remember? (looks out over the stream)

Kenshin: Kaoru-dono?  
Kaoru: This is where you said goodbye to me that night. Before you left for Kyoto

Kenshin: (guilty look on his face)

Kaoru: (as flashback plays) I was so shocked, I couldn't think of anything to say. The words wouldn't come out. But there was something I wanted to say…(flashback ends as she turns to Kenshin)

Kenshin: Kaoru-dono, before you say anything else…! (reaches into gi and pulls out a small box)

Kaoru: Kenshin!

Kenshin: (gets down on one knee and opens the box) Will you marry me?

Kaoru: (blushes) Hai!

Female cast: Awwww!

Megumi: Director-san…if you say cut…

Misao: We will severely injure you.

Director: Meep!

_Narrator: That is so how the __Kyoto__ Arc should have ended._

_Kanashimi: I give up…_

'OWARI'

Kanashimi: "Owari"? "Owari"?

Narrator: Yep. This is the end of my "Kenshin Outtakes." I've run out of ideas, not to mention I'm trying to finish "Mission Objective."

Saitou: Oh, thank Kami-sama…

Kanashimi: But, but…I don't wanna let Saitou go! He's my Pookie!

Narrator: Sorry, you have to let him go now.

Kanashimi: Awwwww…(gives her sister huge Bambi eyes and a little sniffle)

Narrator: Hey now, don't be sad; we still have the party.

Kanashimi: Party?

Saitou: (suddenly getting that feeling of Impending Doom) Party?

Narrator: Naturally. I've tolerated Saitou hanging around my Authorspace for the last couple of weeks for your sake…

Saitou: I think I've just been insulted.

Narrator:…so now I want some of my own fun! I'm just going to abuse my authoress powers for an hour or so and get the rest of the cast here. There'll be some games, of course, food, and I want to get their opinion on the outtakes…

Saitou: Maybe that "shishou" of the Battousai's can bring over sake…(mutters) and I can get flat out drunk.

Narrator: Uh-uh, Saitou. There's going to be too many under-aged kids here; I don't allow that, remember?

Saitou: Damn.

Kanashimi: Besides, Pookie, you get all homicidal when you're drunk, remember? As much fun as slashings and bashings would be, I don't think Narrator would appreciate you getting blood on the décor. It would be rather gauche.

Narrator: Hey, you know what?

Kanashimi: He invented the steam engine?

Narrator: Hardy har har. Anyway, I think I should expand the guest list.

Saitou: (suspicious) And by that you mean…?

Narrator: I'm going to invite all my reviewers!

How about it, minna-san? You've kept me writing with your encouragement, and I'd love to go out with a bang. So, please, say you'll come.

Information:

Your name (and whether you're male/female)

Name of at least one fic you've written

Your favorite RK character

Suggestions for games, etc, and anything you can think of to make this a fun party

Your favorite outtake

Kanashimi: You put that last one in for the sake of your ego, didn't you?

Narrator: Ohohohoho! Hey, if any of you want to talk to any of the characters, me, or Kanashimi, send that along too. I don't want to write words into someone's mouth! Please R.S.V.P. by June 11.

Salute!


	7. I Thought You Hated Baroque (Party at Th...

"Narrator here.  Welcome to my Authorspace!"

"There's no one here except me and Pookie, you twit," Kanashimi helpfully informed her sister as she pushed open the tall door.  Saitou was right behind her, figuring that it was better for his health if he kept both of the insane girls under surveillance.

The Narrator _eeped _and turned around to glare at her sibling.  "I _know_ that, I was just trying out was I was going to say to everyone," she said huffily. 

Kanashimi raised an eyebrow.  "You were having trouble with four words?  Remind me never to recommend you to Broadway."

"Shut up," Narrator snapped irritably, the last twelve sleepless hours beginning to tell on her normally cheerful (cha, right!) disposition.  "Anyway, what do you think of the party room?" she asked, waving her hand expansively.

"Cool," Kanashimi said, looking up at the high, sweeping ceiling, the ornate crystal chandelier, and the mirrors reflecting warm golden candlelight, "Versailles meets the Amber Room, eh?  I thought you hated baroque."

"Well, yeah," admitted Narrator, "but the apse from Mont-St. Michael seemed kinda sacrilegious for this sort of thing."

Saitou, completely lost at this point (not that he understood the two of them on a regular basis, mind you), merely added, "Huh?"

"It's okay, Pookie, I'll explain it to you later," Kanashimi said comfortingly, patting him on the arm.

With a contented brushing of her hands, Narrator declared herself satisfied with her preparations.  There was only one thing missing… "And now, before my reviewers arrive…bring in the guests of honor!"

 Bob, The Ever Faithful and Talented, Hard-Working 

_(Bob, I let you write this only if you kept the editorializing at a min…)_

Ahem.  As it was, Bob the Laptop speedily processed The Narrator's request and with a *ZORT!* produced the Rurouni Kenshin cast in a beautiful plume of green smoke accented with silver glitter.

_(The Narrator will state now that she does not own Rurouni Kenshin or associated characters, but you would have had to have not read the last six disclaimers to think otherwise. She also does not own anything else that is clearly the property of their owners that appear in the telling of this tale.)_

"*Zort*?" Kanashimi echoed.  She brushed silver flakes from her hair.  "And what's with the glittery stuff?"

Narrator grimaced.  "Bob's getting in touch with his "creative" side," she told Kanashimi.  She was also trying to restrain herself from glomping Kenshin that very instant (inter-reality traveling does _so _mess with one's mental faculties, often rendering the traveler incapacitated for several moments).

_(And we all know what one does to an incapacitated Kenshin, eh minna-san?)_

If you please.

_(Oh, right…heh heh, you may continue, Bob.)_

Thank you.  Kenshin, having recovered use of his mind and realizing that he and the rest of the Kenshin-gumi, not to mention Aoshi, Misao, his shishou, Soujiro, Tsubame, Tae, Ayame, Suzume, and (quite shockingly), Kamatari and Yumi were in a strange room he had never seen before, naturally asked the first question that would come to the lips of anyone else confronted with such a situation:

_(Wow.  Hey, Bob, didn't you have to breathe through any of that?)_

Narrator-sama…

_(Oops, okay!  I won't interrupt any more!)_

"Oro?  Where are we, de gozaru ka?"

"In Hell," Kanashimi gleefully informed him before Narrator could open her mouth.

"Too right," Saitou agreed vehemently.  Naturally, everyone's eyes (except Yumi's) widened with shock.

"What did you say?!" Kaoru gasped, staring at the girl and her slightly scary outfit (with all due respect to Kanashimi, knee high boots, fishnets, black lipstick, and a mini-skirt with death's-heads all over it tend to make people nervous, which what Kanashimi does in her spare time).

Kanashimi grinned at the opportunity this opened.  "Heh heh…_Lasciate ogni speranza, voi ch'entrate,_" she added.  (Translation: Abandon all hope, ye who enter.)

"Kanashimi!" Narrator exclaimed, finally able to get her vocal cords working, "Quit it with _The Inferno_ crap, you're scaring them!"  She directed Bob to release some ARA (Alternate Reality Adjustment) gas into the room before anyone could start freaking out.

"You always spoil my fun," Kanashimi pouted.

"Hey, don't I know you?" Sano asked her.

"You were that little girl who dragged Saitou away!" Yahiko blurted, making the connection before Sano could.  He looked Kanashimi up and down.  "You got taller."

"Observant little bugger, ain't he?" Kanashimi noted.

            "NANI?!" Yahiko shouted, balling up his fists.  

            "Bring it!" Kanashimi laughed.

Kenshin and Narrator immediately leaped into the role of peacemakers.  "Maa, maa, you two…" they said in unison, then looked at each other.

"Eh heh heh, I'm The Narrator by the way…" Narrator said after an awkward silence.

"Nice to meet you, Narrator-dono…" Kenshin said, sweatdropping.

"Don't you think you'd better say it now?" Kanashimi said to her sister, sotto voce.

"Say what?" Narrator wondered.

Kanashimi slapped her forehead and groaned.  "I think I see why you needed to practice…"

"Oh yeah.  Welcome to my Authorspace!" Narrator said brightly.

Crickets chirped in the background until Kanashimi had one of her squirrel minions exterminate them with a can of Raid.

"Help me," Saitou pleaded to the ceiling.  And not for the last time.

_*For the sake of brevity, not to mention reader sanity, Bob has fast-forwarded till approximately three hours later, after The Narrator has sufficiently explained the (ahem) justification behind her kidnapping of the RK cast and has secured everyone's cooperation…_

_…more or less.*_

"Hiko, please, just for a couple of hours?" Narrator pleaded.

The Thirteenth Master of Hiten Mitsuryugi Ryu looked down at the authoress from his distinguished height.  "I will _not_ give my sake to you, little girl," he said firmly, demonstrating that the conversation was at an end by draining yet another cup of the liquor.

"I didn't say I was…Saitou, stop picking on Sano!" Narrator yelled to be heard above the noise her guests were making.  She ran toward the two men and glomped Sano to prevent him from taking a swing at Saitou.

"The ahou was the one who started it," Saitou pointed out.

"Did not!" Sano protested.

"Did too."

"Did not!"

"Too."

"NOT!"

"Pookie…" Kanashimi said warningly as she set out the last bowl of chips.

            Saitou gulped and walked away as quickly as dignity would allow.

"Ha ha!" Sano crowed, "The infamous Wolf of Mibu is whipped by a little girl!  Ha ha!"

"I didn't give you permission to laugh, did I, tori-atama?" Kanashimi asked, glaring at him.

            Sano wisely "meeped!" and beat a hasty retreat.

"Thanks for handling that, Kanashimi…I think," Narrator called to her, "…what is it now, Yumi?"

"Why couldn't Shishio-sama be here?" the former courtesan asked plaintively.

"Yes, why didn't you invite him?" Kamatari added, coming up behind Narrator, who was very glad she confiscated the transvestite's scythe.

'Maybe because, with the exception of you two, everyone here would line up for a chance to kick his crispy-fried ass?' Narrator thought before saying, "Isn't he rather busy trying to take over Hell now?"

"Well, true…" Yumi admitted.

"Just try and enjoy yourself for a couple of hours without him," Narrator said pleasantly, trying to keep all sarcasm out of her voice.

"I suppose…" Kamatari muttered and wondered off to examine the baklava on the desert table.

Suddenly, the Narrator was assaulted by the two ankle-biters.  "Narrator-nee, we're bored!" Ayame informed her.

"Bored!" Suzume echoed.

"Um…" Narrator thought fast and then pulled two giant Pixie sticks from Voidspace, "Here, have some candy!"

"Wai!" the two little girls cheered and began scarfing down the flavored sugar.

Narrator noticed Soujiro giving her puppy dog eyes.  "Do you want one too?" she asked.

Soujiro nodded vigorously, making his puppy eyes even bigger and adding just a hint of tears.

"Kawaii!" Narrator gushed, completely overcome by the cuteness, "OK, here you go!"  She handed him another Pixie stick.

"Arigato, Narrator-san!" Soujiro said and promptly inhaled the all sugar in one go.

"Ano, Narrator-san?" Kaoru tapped Narrator on the shoulder.

"Yes?"

"Why did you sign me up for "Spin-the-Bottle"?" Kaoru asked looking down at the game list she had in her hands.

"Because I signed Kenshin up for it, too," Narrator told her, grinning like the WAFFy idiot she is.

_(Bob!)_

It's true!  Why else are you always drawing them kissing and…so forth?

_(Ummm…never mind…)_

"Huh?" Kaoru said, not understanding Narrator's smile or why she seemed to be having an argument with herself.

"Oi…" Narrator groaned, and took her aside to explain the principles of "Spin-the-Bottle."

"Why is Kaoru blushing so much?" Megumi asked no one in particular as she carried a tray of ohagi over to the table, "I…"  Because her attention was distracted she tripped over Aoshi, who was meditating on the floor.  "Aaaah!"

            Aoshi looked over at her sprawled on the floor, but otherwise did not move.

Naturally, Megumi was slightly pissed.  "You jerk!" she yelled, "Why are you sitting in the middle of the floor like that!  Now the ohagi are all over the place!"

"Hey, are you calling my Aoshi-sama a jerk?!" Misao demanded, popping up out of nowhere like the weasel girl she is.

"So what if I am?  He is a jerk for sitting on the floor like that, tripping people up!"

            "Well, you're a jerk for tripping over him!" Misao argued, "Why don't you watch where you're going?"

"I shouldn't have to do something like that," Megumi said haughtily, "Only idiots sit in the middle of a crowded room to meditate."

"Aoshi-sama's not an idiot!" Misao yelled, going SD.

"Misao…" Aoshi began.

"Be quiet, Aoshi-sama!  I'm defending your honor!" Misao ordered and glared at Megumi.

            Aoshi sighed and closed his eyes.

Kenshin, nervously fiddling around with the utensils on one of the tables, groaned.  "Oh no, now Megumi-dono and Misao-dono have started fighting…"

"If you try stopping it, you'll be slaughtered, you know," Sano observed.

"Hai, hai…" Kenshin sighed.

"Kowai…" Tsubame meeped as Megumi and Misao prepared to do battle.

Kanashimi, ever the cool head in a crisis, yelled out, "Karaoke time everyone!"  A huge karaoke machine popped out of Voidspace beside her.  She took up a microphone, took a deep breath, and began to sing.  "WE ALL LIVE IN A YELLOW SUBMARINE, YELLOW SUBMARINE, YELLOW SUBMARINE!!"  Come on, everyone!  Sing with me, Pookie!"

"I refuse to sing such an idiotic song," Saitou declared, remembering the last time Kanashimi had him sing it.

_(Saitou.  British accent.  'Nuff said.)_

"Pookie, I'll be upset if you don't…"

"Erk…"

"WE ALL LIVE IN A YELLOW SUBMARINE, YELLOW SUBMARINE, YELLOW SUBMARINE!!"  Saitou and Kanashimi sang at the top of their lungs.

"Oh, for the love of God…" Narrator moaned.

"And our friends are all aboard, many more of them, live next door!  And the band begins to play…" they continued, a thoroughly sloshed Hiko joining in.

Meanwhile, Suzume was running around the room, screaming, "Oooo, look at the shiny mirrors!  Shiny shiny shiny shinyshinyhshinyshinyshinyshiny…!  AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"

"WE ALL LIVE IN A YELLOW SUBMARINE, YELLOW SUBMARINE, YELLOW SUBMARINE!!  WE ALL LIVE IN A YELLOW SUBMARINE, YELLOW SUBMARINE, YELLOW SUBMARINE!!" sang Kanashimi, Saitou, Hiko and Sano.  Saitou provided the indistinct British voices.  

Ayame was having an intense conversation with a fork.  "But I never said I wanted to sing the "Happy Monkey Song," so why did you make me sing it?  I was so embarrassed!  You're really mean if you make me sing it to all the little chipmunks, who scare me with their big black shiny scary cute little black eyes…!"

"As we live a life ease, every one of us has all we need.  Sky of blue and sea of green, in our yellow submarine!" Kamatari and Yumi had excellent voices, which was no real surprise.

Soujiro, foaming somewhat at the mouth, attempted to jump onto the chandelier.  "I AM THE MONKEY GOD!  ALL MORTALS WILL FALL DOWN AND WORSHIP ME!!" he shouted, actually managing to run up one of the walls onto the chandelier and hang there like a brain-damaged spider monkey.

"I'm beginning to see that maybe the Pixie sticks were a bad idea…" Narrator muttered.

"WE ALL LIVE IN A YELLOW SUBMARINE, YELLOW SUBMARINE, YELLOW SUBMARINE!!  WE ALL LIVE IN A YELLOW SUBMARINE, YELLOW SUBMARINE, YELLOW SUBMARINE!!" By now, pretty much everyone had gotten the hang of the chorus.

"What's a yellow submarine?" Kaoru asked Kenshin.

"Sessha has no idea, de gozaru."

Narrator could feel the oncoming of a migraine.  "It's chaos already and the others haven't even arrived…"

Just then, Bob emitted his trademark *ZORT!* embellished with purple fire and gold smoke.

"I'm here!" Jason M. Lee announced.  He looked over at the karaoke group, who were arguing over which song would be sung next: "I've Got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts" or "All the Small Things."  "Okaaaay…" he said and looked around for someone to give an explanation.

Narrator waved him over to the punch bowl.  "It's nice to meet the author of "Ryuu no Keiro," not to mention one of my most observant reviewers," she said, shaking his hand, "Welcome to my Authorspace!"

            Jason was about to reply with some polite formality when Soujiro began screaming again.

"WORSHIP ME, MORTAL!"

The newcomer sweat dropped and asked, "Do I want to know?"

"No."

*ZORT!*

            There were two brilliant flashes of light, one blue and one white, accompanied by a flurry of yellow rose petals.

"This is what I get from a laptop who hangs out at the FTD website…" Narrator muttered, "Welcome to my Authorspace!" she said a bit louder.

"Hi!" said Onna

"Thanks for the invite!" added Rachael.

"You're welcome.  Step right in, make yourself at home, and ignore the Tenken hanging from the chandelier," Narrator instructed briskly, before Hiko could start on the second verse of "In the Jungle."

"Riiiiight…" Rachael said, then spotted Aoshi walking away from the karaoke group as fast as he could without running.  The "Tales of the Kenshin-gumi" authoress immediately ran over to glomp him.  "AOSHI-SAMA!!"

"Hey, I'm the only one who's allowed to call him that!  You stay away from him!" Misao snarled.

"Make me!" Rachael shot back and stuck out her tongue.

"Hey, Kenshin!" Onna called, running over to the rurouni.

"Oro?!" was all Kenshin managed.

"Kaoru, don't be mad but…" Onna said, and them glomped him, "I've always wanted to do that!  Did you know I made you a world famous singer in "Natsu No E"?"

"Oroooooo…" Kenshin said from the floor, swirly-eyed and praying Kaoru's bokken would not suddenly come down on his head like the wrath of Heaven.

*ZORT!*

A burst of red fire and clouds of white and gold smoke distracted everyone from their current activities (much to Narrator's relief).

"Konnichi-wa, minna-san!" Kori Suketchi greeted, "Where's Kenshin?"

"Ah, Kori-sama!  You're the one who sent Kanashimi that doujinshi that cured me right?" Narrator asked.

"Yup!" Kori replied, grinning.

Narrator shook her hand gratefully.  "Thank you so much!" she said, "I'm sure Kanashimi will want to thank you herself.  Oh, and here it is by the way…"

"Why is it wrapped up in yards of plastic and duct-tape?" Kori wanted to know, staring at the bulky package in her hands that somewhat resembled a tacky throw pillow.

Narrator sweat dropped.  "Eh heh, ummmm…Kanashimi didn't want it traumatizing her Pookie anymore," she explained somewhat reluctantly.

"But he'd have to read it to…" Kori said before realizing where the conversation was headed, "Oh…"

"I never thought Saitou would…you know…" Narrator said awkwardly.

"…erk…" agreed Kori.

"By the by, I've read "To the RK World and Back"," Narrator changed the subject as fast as she could, "I love all the *ahem* innuendoes you and your friends come up with."

"I tend to surprise people," Kori said, "I look all innocent and then I end up having a hentai streak a mile long."

"But of course!"

*ZORT!*

Three flashes of light, orange, green, and white, accompanied by a rainbow mist, announced the arrival of more guests.

"Bob, I'm beginning to think you're on an acid trip," Narrator said frankly to her laptop, "Welcome to my Authorspace, minna-san!"

            "Sano!" Angel-chan yelped and immediately ran over to glomp him.

"Who are you?  Hey, get your hands away from there!" Sano yelled, trying to disengage himself.

"Just what do you think you're doing?!" Megumi demanded, sounding exactly like Misao for an instant.  Earning her stares from everyone in hearing range.

"She's acting awfully possessive, isn't she?" Tae observed.

"Hello," said SAGE.

"You're the other Saitou fan, aren't you?" Narrator asked her.

"Got that right.  Where is he, anyway?"

Narrator pointed in Saitou's direction, praying that Kanashimi would be willing to share her Pookie for a couple of hours.  And then had the evil thought of what would happen to Saitou if two all-powerful authoresses started fighting over him.

_(Mehehehehe…*^.^*)_

You really don't like Saitou-san, do you.

_(He hurt Kenshin.)_

Ah.

"Um…Good job so far on "Citrus Grove."  I can't wait till you get to Kenshin and Kaoru," Narrator said, blushing slightly.  SAGE  nodded and made a beeline for Saitou.

"Hi!  Thank you so much for inviting me!" Emiri-chan said.

"I'm glad you could come!" Narrator burbled, tickled pink by Emiri-chan's enthusiasm, "I'm sorry I haven't read "Rended" yet, but I will.  Go on and join everyone, I think Bob's about to transport some more guests…"

*KA-FLUNGY!*

            Everyone in the room stared over at Bob.

"Hey Bob, you okay?" Narrator asked nervously.

Bob made a long, shrill, beeping sound, coughed, and then room was filled with an explosion of green and silver fire and clouds of purple glitter.  Teika, Takato Takashi, Akal-Saris, chibi-angel, Cherry and fujifumum popped out of Realspace and landed on the hard marble floor in a big pile with a *WHUMP!*

"Itai…"

"Oh, geez, I'm so sorry about that!" Narrator yelled, running up to them.  Other party guests quickly helped to sort out the new arrivals.

"Are you all right?" Aoshi asked Teika, holding her head in his lap.

"Uh-huh…" she replied, starry-eyed with glee.

Aoshi sweat dropped.

"Daijoubu, de gozaru ka?" Kenshin inquired, helping both Takato and fujimum to their feet.

"I think you're all right now," Sano said to Cherry, who was clutching him firmly around the waist.

"No wait, I think I feel a dizzy spell coming on!" Cherry exclaimed, holding him tighter.

"Let…go…can't…breathe…" Sano gasped. 

"I really think sake would help me to recover," Akal-Saris said to Hiko.  Hiko merely looked down at the author and rolled his eyes.

"How many times do I have to say it?" he sighed, "I'm not handing my sake over to anyone."  Thankfully, he did not notice Akal-Saris skillfully relieving him of said liquor as he walked away.

"Welcome to the party," Narrator told chibi-angel lamely, "Bob sometimes tries to handle more data than he really can."

"Eh, no problem," chibi-angel said, slightly swirly-eyed from the impact, "Okay, whoever keeps moving the floor needs to stop now."

"AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!" Soujiro laughed insanely from the chandelier, "MORE MORTALS WHO WILL BEND TO MY WILL!  BOW DOWN OR SUFFER THE WRATH OF MY FLYING BANANAS!"  He promptly hurled down a handful of candles, almost beaning Narrator in the head and causing more than several guests to duck for cover.

"Okay, now he's getting annoying," said Narrator, her eyes flashing pink for a split second.

 "Have whip, will travel?" Kanashimi suggested.

"You think you can handle him?" Narrator asked her sister.

Kanashimi looked up at Soujiro, who was screaming incoherently.  "No problem."

"Just try not to hurt him," Misao said anxiously.

Aoshi frowned ever-so-slightly.  "Misao?"

"Nani?" Misao responded, wondering why anyone would think it strange that Narrator would momentarily indulge in an allusion to an alternate Misao/Soujiro pairing.

"This could get ugly...." Kaoru whispered to Emiri-chan, Kori, and Onna who all nodded gleefully.

"Kanashimi-dono?" Kenshin said to Kanashimi somewhat nervously, "What are you doing, de gozaru ka?"

Kanashimi, caught in the act of licking her whip, only grinned.

"It's better not to ask questions sometimes, Kenshin," Jason said.

"OHOHOHOHOHO!!" Kanashimi laughed, jumping into the air.  The whip cracked.  "It is _you_ who will bow before _me_, impotent male!  For _I_ am GoD!"

Narrator swiftly covered Ayame and Suzume's eyes and Tsubame ducked behind her tray.  All of the otakus grabbed the nearest bowl of munchies and settled down to watch the show.

"Yipe!  Yipe! Yipe!" Soujiro squeaked.

"Oooo, you know that hurt!"

"OHOHOHOHOHOHO!"

"Run, Sou-kun, she's right behind you!"

"Misao…"

  Jason whispered something to Kaoru and pointed at Kenshin.  Kaoru immediately turned a fetching shade of scarlet.  "When did I do _that_?"

"Er, Kanashimi-dono, sessha does not think…"

*WHUMP!*

"Never mind, de gozaru…"

"Punishment completed," Kanashimi announced, propping up a dazed Soujiro, "He might be out of it for a while, but he'll be okay." 

"I certainly hope so," Narrator said indignantly, passing handkerchiefs around for anyone with a bloody nose, "or I'd have a real problem come tomorrow with pissed-off Soujiro fans."

"Well, I can always…"

"No."

"But…"

"NO!"

"Aw, you always spoil my fun," Kanashimi whined, and went looking for Saitou.  

"Okay, now that everyone's here," said Narrator, "let's play some games.  Where's SAGE?"

"Hai?" called the authoress, looking up from her Saitou-glomping.  The ex-Shinsengumi breathed a sigh of relief.  Until he saw a fuming Kanashimi standing over him, whip still in hand.

"I can't believe you, you…you…CHEATER!" she yelled.

"Help me," Saitou said to the ceiling (not for the last time, best beloved!), and then took off at a dead run.

"You suggested "Twister." I think we'll start with that," Narrator said, ignoring the shrieks and whip-cracking in the background.  She looked over at Bob, who beeped at her irritably.  "I guess Bob's not going to help us with this one…"

"That's okay," SAGE reassured her and pulled a Twister game out of nowhere, "I came prepared."

"Yoshi!" Narrator cheered, "All right, who's in?"

'~*~'

"Right hand, red," called fujifumum, winner of the last game.  Everyone still left on the mat strained to do as they were told.

"Oro!  Sessha's hand was already there, de gozaru yo!" Kenshin yelped as Kori slammed her hand down on the nearest available red spot.

"Fight ya for it," Kori responded, giggling.

"Mou, this is really hard," Kaoru whined, doing her best impression of a pretzel.

"Oi, busu!" Yahiko yelled from the sidelines.

"NANI?!" Kaoru yelled, looking up to glare at him.  This of course caused her to fall over, taking Jason M. Lee with her.

"Itai…" Jason groaned, "Would you mind taking your foot out of my stomach?"

"That's for distracting me last time," Yahiko said smugly.

"Yatta, Aoshi-sama!" Misao cheered.  She had been taken out early on because she thought she heard Saitou mutter "itachi-musume" at her in passing.

"Yeah, go Aoshi!" Teika cheered.

"Whoo-hoo!" added Rachael.

"Don't you dare cheer for my Aoshi-sama!" Misao glared at them.

"Free country."

"Thhhhhbbbbppppttt!"

"Ooooo, the room's spinning again!" chibi-angel announced.

"Who just touched me?" Sano yelped.

"Sano, now's not really the time to be complaining about that," said Narrator, her nose about a centimeter from his…knee, "Cause you're moving around a lot and…"

*CRASH!*

"Darn, why didn't he fall on me?" Cherry asked wistfully.

"Or me," Angel-chan agreed.

"Sano, you have a pointy butt!  Get offa me!" Narrator yelled.  Since she was currently under Sano, it came out sounding like, "Ahno mer umpf!  Ooo gah heee!"

"Get your hand out of my face," Aoshi growled.

"As soon as you get your torso offa me!" Kori whooshed.

"Oroooo…" Kenshin groaned.

"Who won that one?" Narrator asked.  She looked around the mat and spotted the last person standing….sort of.  "Yumi?"

"Well, you gotta figure…" Akal-Saris whispered aside to Takato.

'~*~'

*KA-BLOOSH*

"Okay, that was really cold!" Narrator yelled, water dripping down her face, "Who's the dead man walking who threw that?!"

Kenshin slowly raised his hand.

"Omae o korosu," Narrator snarled, and ran after him with a hose.

"That was nice of him, taking the fall for you like that," Kanashimi said to Takato.

"I hope she doesn't hurt him too badly."

"Naw, she likes him as much I like Saitou."

"But don't you chase Saitou around with a whip?" Cherry asked.

"Yeah, so?"

"Never mind."

"Oi, Megumi!" Sano yelled.

"Nani?"

*SPLASH!*

"Hey, this is my favorite kimono!" Kamatari yelled, and chased Sano down with his Super-Soaker.

"I didn't know you had reflexes like that," Kaoru said frankly.

Megumi grinned and ducked another balloon, thrown by Akal-Saris.  Kaoru ran after him to exact vengeance.

*SPLASH!*

"Um, Kanashimi-san?" Soujiro called from the closet, "Can you let me out now?"

"EEEEEEEEEE-YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" Misao screamed, throwing five water balloons at once at Saitou, completely dousing him and soaking his last cigarette.

"Oh, big mistake there, Misao," Kanashimi told her.

"Aoshi-sama, help me!" Misao yelped, chased by a homicidal Kanashimi.

"I'm a little busy Misao," Aoshi replied, nervously regarding Rachael and Teika closing in on him with their Super Soakers.

Angel-chan expertly threw a water balloon at Kamatari, successfully distracting him from Sano.  "You owe me!" she yelled over her shoulder.

"Um…" said Sano, anxiously wondering how he was supposed to pay _that_ debt.

"In the meantime, Sano," Cherry purred, "How 'bout you and I check out the whipped cream and cherries on the dessert table?  There's a reason I'm called Cherry."

"Ack…"  Sano backed away rapidly from the growling red head, looking every which way for an escape route.

"Saitou, help me!"

"Ahou," Saitou responded, smirking as he casually walked away.

"DAMN YOU SAITOU!!"

"Saitou!"  SAGE took the opportunity to glomp Saitou while Kanashimi was occupied.

"Help me," Saitou pleaded, sick with the irony of the situation.

Yahiko was staunchly protecting Tsubame from any and all assailants, earning more than a couple of "awwwww"s from the women.

"Hiko-san, why aren't you helping Kenshin?" Tae asked as Kenshin ran past, oro-ing his head off, Narrator not five steps behind.

"My baka deshi can handle himself," Hiko drawled, and went off to drink some more punch, which tasted strongly of mai-tai.

'~*~'

"But I _like_ the Spice Girls, and I want to sing one of their songs!"

"Kamatari, there's more than one Spice Girl and I don't think anyone here would…"

"As long as I'm not Baby Spice, I'll sing with you."

"T-Tae-san?"

"Nani?"

"Never mind."

"Saitou and I are singing "Unforgettable" next!"

"A concussion could solve that problem."

"Touch my Pookie, tori-atama, and you'll find my boot some place where the sun don't shine!"

"Ano, Narrator-dono, Kaoru and sessha would like to sing "Some Enchanted Evening," de gozaru."

"Awwwwww…!"

"Can he even _sing_ baritone?"

"Sh!"

"This is going to be interesting…"

"We're going to sing "It's Raining Men"!"

"…"

"Maybe we'll just get all the guys to do a chorus line…"

"…!"

"Can I sing the Barney Song?"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

"Aku, Soku, Zan!"

*WHA-POW!*

"Soujiro, I thought you knew better."

"I was only kidding…itai…"

"Still…*sigh* let's get some ice for that.  And Saitou, stop using the baguettes for katanas!"

"You took mine away."

"Aw, Pookie, don't be sad, you'll get it back after the party."

'~*~'

Kenshin gulped.  Never in his entire life had he been more nervous, terrified, elated and anxious, and all at once too.

"If he doesn't kiss her, I'm going to pass out," said Narrator.

"Maybe you should stop holding your breath," Kori suggested.

"No, wait, I want to see if she turns purple," said Kanashimi.

Onna looked ready to thwack Kenshin upside the head if he did not get himself moving and Jason was trying his hardest to send telepathic commands to the rurouni.

"Kaoru-chan looks like she's about to faint," Tae whispered aside to Megumi.

"The tanuki had better stay conscious," Megumi said in reply, glaring at Kaoru, who was trembling.

The empty bottle on the floor pointed at Kaoru like a glasseline finger of Fate.

*WHUMP!*

"Darn, she only turned tomato," Kanashimi grumped, looking down at her prone sister.

"You owe me twenty bucks," SAGE said.

"Yeah, yeah…"

"Kaoru-dono…" Kenshin said, his eyes never wavering from Kaoru's.  Ever so slowly, he began closing the distance that separated them.  To him, she was the only thing that existed in the universe.

"Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up," chibi-angel chanted under her breath.

Closer, closer, closer…

"Hey, is he doing what I think he's doing?" Kanashimi hissed to SAGE.

"Yep, the baka's going to try and kiss her on the cheek!"

"Aw, hell no…"

Takato, sitting next to Kaoru, narrowed his eyes as he observed that Kenshin was about to foul up The Narrator's moment of planned WAFF.  Being the polite guest that he was, he took matters into his own hands.

"Move it, Kenshin!" he barked, reaching out and jerking Kenshin toward Kaoru.

"Oroo-merf!" Kenshin tried to say, but his catch phrase was smothered Kaoru's surprised lips.  It took several seconds for him to realize that not only was he kissing Kaoru-dono _on the lips_ but he was also sprawled on her in a very compromising position.  He hurriedly tried to get up, but Kaoru would have none of that.

"Oh no you don't, Kenshin!" she ordered, and pulled him down again.  Kenshin resisted for all of two seconds before his Battousai self gave the Rurouni a swift kick in the head and took over.

There was a round of applause as K+K fans either sighed at the romantic sight or cheered the couple on.

"I have a feeling they're going to be busy for a little while," Onna remarked, "How about Hiko goes next?"

"Eh?" Hiko said, looking up at the sound of his name.

"Spin the bottle, Hiko-san," Cherry told him helpfully.

"Which one?" the befuddled sword master demanded, trying to fix bleary eyes on the piece of glassware on the floor.

"Did he get a hold of more vodka or did someone spike the punch again?" Kanashimi asked.

Akal-Saris and Onna whistled innocently.

Hiko blithely spun the bottle, once he got a good grip on it.  Round and round it went, finally stopping on…

"Hey, does it count if the person's unconscious?" Emiri-chan wanted to know.

Kanashimi looked down at her sister, then at Hiko.  "Eh, go ahead; you just might snap her out of it."

"Of course I will," Hiko bragged, "No woman can resist my charms."

"Riiiiiight," Yahiko said, "Just hurry up will ya!"

"Someone's a little anxious for his turn, isn't he?" fujimum teased, poking him in the side.

"Urusei!" Yahiko retorted, blushing mightily.

Hiko bent down and kissed Narrator full on the lips.

Narrator's eyes flew open.

"Can I have your turn if you stay up there?" Kanashimi called to her sister, who screaming from atop the chandelier.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE HE KISSED ME!   I WAS UNCONSCIOUS FOR GOD'S SAKE!  GIVE A GIRL SOME WARNING!!"

"So, can I have your turn?"

"Hell no!"

"Damn…"

"It's okay, Hiko-san," Akal-Saris told Hiko comfortingly, "I'm sure she was just surprised by how good a kisser you were."

"That and she isn't the most mature person in the world when it comes to the opposite sex," Kanashimi supplied.

"I heard that!"  Narrator jumped down from the chandelier and, while glaring at her sister, spun the bottle.  Round and round it went, stopping on…

"Kiss me and die, woman," Kamatari growled.

"Erk," said Narrator and looked at her guests, "There's a penalty I can take instead of kissing someone, right?"

"Ummm…"

"I know!" Angel-chan said.  She walked over to Narrator and whispered in her ear.  Narrator blinked, looked at her, then at Kamatari, who growled again.  "I'll do it," she sighed.

Ten verses of "Henry the Eighth I Am" (accompanied by Cossack dancing) later, Kamatari got his turn.   It landed on Yumi.

"How do you sing that song?" Kamatari asked.

Yumi spun, and it landed on Jason.  "Normally I would say only Shishio-sama could kiss me, but…"

Jason spun, but he wasn't really paying attention when it landed on Teika.  He kissed her immediately and went back to grinning like an idiot.

Teika spun, and it landed on Aoshi.  "Oh yeah!" she cheered, and jumped on Aoshi.  Saitou and Sano restrained Misao until it was Aoshi's turn.

Aoshi spun, and it landed on Rachael.  Misao looked about ready to explode.  "You just sit right there, Aoshi-sama!" Rachael ordered.

By the end of it, poor Aoshi was about as swirly-eyed as Kenshin after one of Kaoru's hissy fits.

"Speaking of Himura-san," Soujiro said, "where'd they go?"

"Do you _really_ need to know that?" Kori replied significantly, looking at the closet where Soujiro had been kept. The door was closed again.

"Well, Narrator-san would be kind of angry if her guests just wandered all over the place."

There was much forehead slapping.

"I thought you had finished corrupting him," Angel-chan said to Narrator.

Narrator shrugged.  "I guess Kanashimi knocked it out of him."

"Does that mean I get to knock it back in again?" Kanashimi asked.

"Ummm…oh, look, it's Saitou's turn."

SAGE and Kanashimi watched as the bottle spun round and round and round, finally stopping on…

"Oh, thank Kami-sama," Saitou gasped.

"Like hell you're kissing her!" Sano yelled.

"Ewwwww…" Megumi groaned, glaring at Saitou.

"Damn," SAGE and Kanashimi muttered.

"Think we should add a striptease penalty?" Kanashimi asked.

"Ack, no!" screamed the other guests.  Poor Tsubame curled up on the floor and had to be taken to another room to lie down and get the nasty mental images out of her head.

_(Saitou…stripping…AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!)_

Itai…

_(Saitou…stripping…mmmmm….)_

_(Kanashimi, for the love of decency, stop putting those mental images in my head!)_

_(It's not as bad as, oh say, Shishio…)_

_(AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!  STOP IT! STOP IT RIGHT NOW!!)_

Are you ladies done yet?

_(Yes…)_

'~*~'

"Well, except for Bob's little transportation mishap, permanently tramautizing Tsubame-chan, addicting Suzume and Ayame to Pixie sticks, Soujiro flinging candles at the guests, and Saitou starting that food fight, I'd say it was a pretty good party," Narrator said to Kanashimi after the last guests had bid their farewells, thanking Narrator for the fun they had had.

"So you didn't mind getting beaned with a water balloon?"

"Nope."

"Or getting kissed by Hiko?"

"Naaaahh…he's pretty hot for an old guy."

"Not as hot as Sean Connery."

"Oh Lord, of course not."

"You're drooling."

"No, I'm not."

"Uh-huh.  Here's a napkin anyways.  So you didn't mind missing out on Kenshin and Kaoru's face-sucking?"

"No, I…wait a minute…they kissed?"  
            "Uh-huh."  
            "When?!"  
            "When you were unconscious."

"WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU WAKE ME UP!!!!"

"Narrator…erk…can't breathe…"

Narrator reluctantly took her hands from around her sister's throat, reflecting that their okaa-san might be a tad angry if Kanashimi were to have permanent dain bramage.  "So…so…was it cute?" Narrator asked, sniffling a little.

Kanashimi rolled her eyes.  "Yes, it was, you would have freaked out, blah blah blah.  You know, I should be depressed now."

"Why?"

"I had to say good bye to Pookie, of course."

"Heck, you can see him again.  Just write a fic."

"Oh yeah."

"I'll loan you Bob.  He'll be more than happy to help you."

"Thanks."

The two authoresses exited the party room, the lights dimming behind them.  Several moments later, the door to the closet creaked open and a familiar (now tousled) red head peered out to examine the vacant floor.

"Oro?"

'~* OWARI *~'

_Narrator here.  Thanks for all the reviews minna-san!  And for all those who couldn't make it to the party…I guess I just have to find an excuse for another one._

_Salute!_


End file.
